My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
