so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
