Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
