I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
