Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
