It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
