If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
