i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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