he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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