There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
