just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
