My nipple is on Facebook.
there's paper in my vomit.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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