My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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