I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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