I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
