I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
