Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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