If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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