How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
