I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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