Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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