I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
