i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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