Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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