I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
