Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
