She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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