So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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