The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
