Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
