Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
