You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
