I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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