why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
