he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
