that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
