We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
