She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
