She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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