I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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