I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
