you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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