; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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