he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
