I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
