i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
