my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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