Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
