Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
only you would photoshop your dick
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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