Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
