I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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