By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just invented taco cereal.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
