Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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